Welcome to The Cabin’s guide on how to help an alcoholic get treatment. If you’re considering confronting someone you love about their drinking, this guide will teach you everything you need to know. Including how to prepare yourself, what to say, what not to say, and how to stay safe. Doing this will ensure you maximise your chances of getting them to stop drinking and get the help they need.

We’ll even give you some of our best tips and point you towards the best addiction recovery support options. We just want to say that we know what you’re going through. Alcohol addiction can tear apart families, friendships, and romantic relationships. We see it every day here at our clinic.

But there is hope. No matter how bad the situation is, there is a road to recovery. And it all starts with you speaking up and saying something now. We’ve helped thousands of people recover from alcohol addiction. In many of those cases, it started with a friend or family member having the courage to speak up.

Ready to get your loved one the help they need for alcohol misuse? Here’s exactly what to do.

When is the Right Time to Talk About Their Alcohol Abuse?

How to Help an Alcoholic Loved One

The right time to talk about your loved one’s alcoholism is before it becomes a major problem.

We know how difficult your current situation is and how hard it can be to finally speak up. But you should confront the alcoholic on their problematic drinking before it’s too late and they (or you) face serious consequences. It’s what’s best for them and for you.

Here’s a list of the common reasons that families contact us about their loved one’s alcoholism:

  • Their Child: Their child’s alcohol abuse is causing them to fail or get kicked out of school.
  • Their Spouse: Their husband or wife’s alcoholism is too much to handle, and it’s ruining their marriage.
  • Their Friend: Their friend is withdrawing from social activities, and their behaviour while drinking is becoming intolerable. They may also be noticing more frequent episodes of binge drinking than before.
  • Their Parent: Adult children of alcoholics often contact us when their parents are in ill health due to their drinking habits.

Here’s our advice based on our decades of combined experience in this industry: If you’re noticing severe negative consequences in your loved one’s life, deteriorating health, increased risk behaviours (e.g., drunk driving, unprotected sex, etc.), or even violence and emotional outbursts, it’s time to confront them.

The truth is that there is never an exact right time to seek treatment. And there is no 100% right way to talk about your loved one’s alcohol abuse. 

What you CAN DO is prepare yourself, learn the proper techniques, understand their disease, and do it under the right circumstances.

Before we get to that, you should be sure they are suffering from alcohol use disorder and not just drinking heavily. There is a difference, and it will make a big difference in how you approach getting them help.

Alcohol Use Disorder vs. Alcohol Abuse: How to Know if Your Loved One is an Addict or Just Drinking Heavily

Let’s get into the main differences between alcohol use disorder and alcohol abuse. Someone who drinks heavily may just need a stern talking to. However, addiction is heavily rooted in psychological, emotional, and physical dependence. 

Addiction also comes with intense cravings, uncomfortable withdrawals, and an inability to control your drinking. That requires a much different approach if you want to get your loved one the help they need and have everything return to normal.

What is Alcohol Abuse?

Alcohol abuse is considered drinking more than is recommended on a regular basis. We all have that friend who can drink everyone under the table and likes to have one too many on the weekends.You’ll often see them drink quite a bit, but they remain under control, aren’t facing consequences, and aren’t going through withdrawals when they don’t have alcohol (physical symptoms are common in alcohol dependence).

What is Alcohol Use Disorder?

According to the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM) published by the American Psychiatric Association, alcohol use disorder (alcoholism) is a chronic condition where your loved one continues to drink heavily despite negative consequences to their physical, mental, and social health. 

They may also be experiencing major issues in their professional and personal lives due to their drinking as well. We also recommend that you keep an eye out for two hallmarks of AUD: The inability to control their drinking or cut back despite wanting to.

With alcoholism, it’s not just about how much they’re drinking. It’s how the drinking is affecting them and those around them.

What Are the Signs of Alcoholism?

Alcoholism usually produces serious life consequences. If you notice any of these signs of alcoholism, it’s time to confront your loved one on their addiction:

The Signs of Alcoholism
  • They often end up drinking way more than they planned
  • They think about drinking even when they’re supposed to be focused on other things
  • Their responsibilities are slipping because drinking takes up all their time
  • They rely on alcohol to deal with stress, sadness, or boredom
  • They’ve tried to cut back but can’t seem to stick to it
  • They hide their drinking because they’re worried about what others will think
  • They often drink alone
  • Their behaviour changes in a negative way when they drink

If you’ve noticed any of these signs of AUD, it’s time that you said something. It’s the best thing you can do for them, yourself, and anyone else involved in the situation.

The rest of this guide will be dedicated to teaching you the best ways to make your concerns known, keep yourself safe, and maximise the chances of getting them help.

How to Get Your Loved One Help for Their Drinking Problem in 7 Steps

Getting your loved one help for their alcoholism requires educating yourself on their condition, preparing yourself to confront them, choosing the right time, showing compassion, and participating in their recovery. We will elaborate more on each of these steps below.

1. Educate Yourself on Alcoholism and Treatment Options

Before talking to your loved one, you should take the time to understand the psychological and physical effects of addiction. Your intervention will go much better if you do. Remember, they have a disease. Alcoholism literally changes how the brain works, making it hard for them to control their drinking. 

We recommend reading some of our other blogs on alcoholism and alcohol addiction treatment options like detox, counselling, and support groups.

How to Help an Alcoholic Loved One

Your goal is to get them help, so you need to know which type of help they need before beginning the conversation. Have the resources ready and show them there’s a path to recovery and a better life.

2. Prepare For The Conversation

What you’re about to do will not be easy. We recommend taking the time to practice what you want to say and preparing yourself for what your loved one may say (or do) in response.

How to Help an Alcoholic Loved One

Write down:

  • Key points you want to make
  • Specific events you want to discuss
  • The effect their drinking is having on you and others
  • Any other evidence you have of their drinking issues

Once you have that, prepare yourself for dealing with an addict. They can get very defensive. They may feel intense guilt and shame about their drinking problem, or they may be in complete denial that they even have a problem. Expect them to downplay or deny their issues, and when they do, just explain that you are worried. Do not attack them (more on this further below).

3. Choose the Right Time

When trying to help an alcoholic loved one, you need to do it at the right time. Don’t just blindside them at the worst possible time. Instead, pick a calm, stress-free moment when they are sober. And make sure to do it in a private setting.

Whatever you do, do not pick a time when stress is already high, like after an argument or after a stressful day at work. Choose a relaxing evening at home if possible.

How to Help an Alcoholic Loved One

4. Focus on Being Compassionate (Do Not Attack Them)

How to Help an Alcoholic Loved One

It’s absolutely critical that you show compassion for your loved one’s situation rather than blaming or attacking them. Alcoholism is a disease that changes brain chemistry, thinking, and behaviour.

Your problem is the disease, NOT your loved one. Instead of focusing on the person and their drinking, try to keep the focus on yourself and your concerns. Use “I” statements.

Like this…

Instead of saying “You’re always drinking too much and ruining everything”, try saying “I feel worried when I see you drinking because I care about you.“Or, instead of saying “You don’t care about your family anymore”, try saying “I miss the connection we used to have“.

5. Set Clear Boundaries

Whatever you do, do not pick a time when stress is already high, like after an argument or after a stressful day at work. Choose a relaxing evening at home if possible.

You’ve been compassionate. Now it’s time to play a little hardball. Make it very clear that you want to help them and are concerned about them, but you will not tolerate any more of their negative behaviours.

Here are some of the boundaries you may need to set with an alcoholic:

  • Not paying their bills or providing financial support anymore
  • Not making excuses for them
  • Not putting up with their risky behaviours
  • Not tolerating their absenteeism at work or in the home
  • Not paying for their alcohol
How to Help an Alcoholic Loved One

Again, remember to be empathetic. You don’t have to say this in an attacking manner. Just firmly say “I want to help you, and I need to do what’s best for you. I won’t tolerate this anymore”.

6. Explain That You Want to Help (And Share Recovery Stories)

If you prepared any recovery literature or brochures in the first step, it’s time to use them. You’ll greatly enhance your chances of getting your loved one help if you show them that recovery is possible. Explain to them that they can do outpatient treatment online or go to counselling.

How to Help an Alcoholic Loved One

If their addiction is severe, however, they will most likely need inpatient rehabilitation to successfully stop drinking and build up sober habits.

At the very least, share information about online support groups or Alcoholics Anonymous. If you can, share a story of recovery or tell them you know someone who got help and made a full recovery.

Pro Tip: Share celebrity recovery stories to inspire the addict in your life. Hundreds of world-famous celebrities have opened up about their addiction and seeking treatment at recovery facilities. Most have gone on to make full recoveries. Addiction does NOT discriminate. It can affect anyone. Let them know that there’s no shame in admitting you have a problem and need help.

7. Participate in Their Recovery

Letting your loved one know that you will help them every step of the way is the best way to convince them to get help.

Let them know that you will attend meetings, create a sober environment at home, provide transport, help financially if you can, or just check in regularly with them if it’s a friend. This can be a huge boost to their confidence and reduce their feelings of isolation. 

How to Help an Alcoholic Loved One

Scientific evidence, and evidence from our own treatment clinic, also supports family involvement in the recovery process.

One study from the October 2022 edition of the Journal of Substance Abuse Treatment published in the National Library of Medicine entitled Family Involvement in Treatment and Recovery for Substance Use Disorders among Transition-Age Youth: Research Bedrocks and Opportunities states the following:

Tanner-Smith and colleagues (2013) completed a meta-analysis that sampled 45 randomized and quasi-experimental adolescent studies reporting on 73 treatment-comparison group pairs to test the comparative effectiveness of treatment approaches; family-based models prevailed in almost every comparison, including tests against other empirically supported models.”

Family support works. Period.

Tips for Supporting Your Loved One in Recovery

We spoke with our addiction recovery therapists here at the Cabin, and they wanted to share some of their favourite tips for supporting a loved one in recovery. 

Here are the best tips to help your loved one recover:

  • Encourage New Hobbies: New hobbies that don’t involve drinking will help fill all of their newfound free time in sobriety. It’s a wonderful thing, really. Make sure to encourage them to fill it with something productive like hitting the gym, playing an instrument, or learning a language. Or maybe they want to start a side business or work online. Anything to get their mind off of drinking alcohol.
  • Maintain a Sober Home: If your partner, parent, or child is an alcoholic, please keep your home an “alcohol-free zone”. They are most likely suffering from severe alcohol cravings. Seeing alcohol or knowing it’s in the home could be a major trigger for them and lead to a relapse.
  • Don’t Enable Them in Any Way: We often see the families of our patients go back to old habits when the patient gets out of rehab. This could mean that they start making excuses for them again or putting up with negative behaviours. Remember, you’ve set clear boundaries. Now keep them.
  • Attend Meetings or Support Groups: This is absolutely key here. Please do your best to attend as many meetings with your loved one as possible and show support in any way you can. If they don’t want you to attend, that’s fine.
  • Don’t Provide Too Much Special Treatment: This one is a bit tricky, but you need to make sure you don’t overprotect them or give them too much special treatment. This could make them feel like they’re being singled out. Problem drinkers might feel like they are being treated like an ill child in some cases. Don’t make too many accommodations and don’t praise every little thing they do. Help, but don’t go too far.
  • Don’t Take Things Personally: Recovery can be an emotional rollercoaster, and it’s not uncommon for recovering addicts to lash out at others. Remember, it’s your loved one’s addiction, NOT them. Don’t take anything they say personally. Stay calm and carry on.
  • Take Care of Yourself: As a partner, parent, family member, or friend, you may put too much of your time and energy into helping your loved one’s recovery. Don’t forget to take care of yourself, too. Schedule downtime, keep doing your favourite hobbies, and don’t be afraid to ask for a bit of space sometimes. There’s nothing wrong with seeking professional help for yourself either.
  • Understand Common Relapse Triggers (And Avoid Them): The most common relapse triggers are familiar people or places, emotional distress, stress, conflict, and peer pressure. Do your best to protect them from these things. It could result in them consuming alcohol again.
  • Help Them Find Healthier Ways to Cope: Substance abuse is often self-medicating a serious problem like stress, anxiety, and depression. And recovering from alcohol abuse adds even more stress and emotional issues into an already difficult situation. You can help your alcoholic loved one by helping them find healthier ways to relieve stress, like meditation, mindfulness, yoga, or joining support groups.
  • Join a Support Group: Yes, there are support groups for family and friends of those suffering from alcohol problems. You are going through an extremely difficult time right now, and others have gone through it before you. They can help you by listening and sharing their stories or providing coping skills for you.

What Can I Do if an Alcoholic Doesn’t Want Help?

If the alcoholic in your life doesn’t want to get help, then there’s not much you can do unless you live in a jurisdiction that allows you to force them to get treatment via court order.

And even then, if they don’t want to get help, then they probably can’t recover. Recovery requires admitting that you have a problem and your life is unmanageable.

There’s a saying in the recovery world: Nobody can recover for anyone but themselves. They have to want to.

It’s important for you to remain calm and not feel defeated or hopeless. Sometimes, it just takes a while for addicts to come around. If you set strict boundaries and continue to explain how much you care, they may change their minds.

Remember, your loved one’s drinking habits are a disease. They may be in denial. Most individuals in active addiction will do anything they can to protect their drug of choice.

If they don’t want to admit that they have a problem, do some research online about local laws. See if you can force them to get treatment. We suggest contacting a local rehabilitation clinic or lawyer to see what your options are.

Other than that, you can:

  • Set Clear Boundaries: Tell them they don’t have to get treatment, but you’ll no longer be supporting them in any way until they do.
  • Establish Clear Consequences: If they break any rules, they are out of the house. You won’t be having any of that stuff in here.
  • Talk to Other Family Members and Friends: See if you can get a larger group of people to stage an intervention. The more friends and family that are involved the better.
  • Talk to a Doctor: If their condition is severe enough, the doctor may be able to force them into treatment on medical grounds. However, that’s very rare, and it varies from jurisdiction to jurisdiction.

What Are the Best Alcohol Addiction Support Groups?

Here are a few of the best alcohol addiction support groups and resources:

  • Alcoholics Anonymous (AA): AA is the most famous recovery group. Here, your loved one will participate in the 12-step programme and regular meetings where they’ll share their experiences. It’s a judgement-free space focused on honesty and mutual support.
  • SMART Recovery: SMART Recovery focuses on self-empowerment and science-backed techniques to help people manage addiction. It’s a great choice for those looking for practical tools beyond a 12-step framework.
  • Women for Sobriety (WFS): WFS is a recovery group just for women. It emphasises emotional growth and positivity in order to create a supportive environment where women feel empowered to heal.
  • Celebrate Recovery: Celebrate Recovery is a faith-based group that blends Christian principles with recovery strategies. Meetings focus on overcoming not just addiction but also life’s broader challenges.
  • LifeRing Secular Recovery: LifeRing offers a secular, self-help approach to recovery. Its emphasis is on building personal strength and staying connected with others in recovery.
  • Secular Organizations for Sobriety (SOS): SOS is a non-religious recovery option that we recommend for people who want support without a spiritual focus. Meetings encourage sharing and personal accountability.
  • Al-Anon/Alateen: These groups provide support for family and friends of alcoholics. Alateen is designed specifically for younger people who need a safe space to process their feelings and experiences.

Online Support Groups

  • Recovery Elevator
  • Reddit: r/stopdrinking
  • Sober Recovery Forum
  • In The Rooms
  • The Luckiest Club
  • Sober Curious (Facebook Group)
  • One Year No Beer

What Are The Treatment Options For Alcoholism?

We want to provide you with a few treatment options for alcoholism that you can present to the addict in your life. The more you know about these options, the better your intervention will go.

Counselling

Counselling is the simplest form of alcohol addiction treatment and involves working with an addiction counsellor to explore the reasons behind addiction. It’s the most common and affordable treatment option as well.

During counselling, your loved one will learn more about the nature of their addiction, how to overcome it, and healthy coping mechanisms to fight cravings and manage stress. They’ll likely go through therapy and other behavioural treatments to improve their chances of remaining sober.

Counselling session

We recommend it for anyone who doesn’t have a serious physical dependence and wants one-on-one support in a safe setting. Most sessions last about an hour, and it’s highly effective.

The best part about counselling is that it’s relatively affordable and readily available. And it’s very effective. A good counsellor will help your loved one get to the root of their addiction and change their negative thought patterns so that they become a happy non-drinker.

Support Groups

Support groups like Alcoholics Anonymous (AA) or SMART Recovery provide a community of people who understand the struggle of addiction and can provide emotional support. We can’t overstate the importance of community for long-term recovery. Recovery is impossible to do alone.

Having a community of like-minded people who have been there and done it all already will not only improve your loved one’s mental health, it’ll drastically improve their chances of staying sober.

AAGroup

According to a 2011 study published in Alcohol Research And Health and featured in the National Library of Medicine called The Role of Mutual-Help Groups in Extending the Framework of Treatment by Kelly, John F., et al.:

At the 1- and 3-year follow-ups, half of the drinkers who self-selected into AA only were abstinent compared with about a quarter of those who self-selected into formal treatment.”

The evidence is astounding: Alcoholics who attended AA alone were twice as likely to remain sober as those who entered formal treatment.

It doesn’t have to be AA if the addict in your life doesn’t want to join that group. It can be any of a number of groups, both offline or online. The good news is that there are support groups for any and all kinds of addiction. In-person groups, online groups, groups for family members, groups for children—you name it, it exists.

Outpatient Treatment

Outpatient AUD treatment programmes offer professional treatment while allowing individuals to continue living at home. It works well for people with mild addiction who don’t require 24/7 care.

Your loved one will be able to get treatment in person or online while still maintaining the flexibility to work, go to school, or do their family responsibilities. They might not even have to leave the house if they don’t want to.

These programmes often include a mix of therapy, education, and support group meetings. In some cases, they may also need medication or other forms of therapy, but this is done on a case-by-case basis. The benefit of outpatient care is that it provides structure and guidance without disrupting daily life, which makes their recovery more manageable.

If your loved one isn’t keen on attending an inpatient treatment centre, try getting them to give outpatient treatment a chance.

Detoxification (Detox)

Depending on the severity of their addiction, your loved one may need to detox because their body has become physically dependent on alcohol. 

Medical Alcohol Detox in Thailand

Over time, heavy drinking changes how the brain and body function, so it becomes difficult (or even dangerous) for them to stop on their own.

Detox provides a safe environment where medical professionals can monitor and manage withdrawal symptoms like tremors, nausea, anxiety, or seizures. This ensures their safety and comfort while their body adjusts to functioning without alcohol, setting a strong foundation for their recovery.

If your spouse, friend, parent, or child is drinking so heavily that they are suffering from physical issues, please contact emergency detox immediately.

Inpatient Treatment

Oasis of peace where clients can completely concentrate on achieving recovery, healing and growing.

If your loved one is suffering from severe addiction, we recommend they attend an inpatient rehab treatment centre. Inpatient rehab is when they go to a dedicated rehabilitation centre for a set period of time, usually 30 or 90 days. Here, they’ll be under constant medical supervision and be surrounded by a team dedicated to their recovery.

It’s the best way to get clean for severe addiction. Here’s why.

It’s exceedingly difficult for an addict to heal in the same environment where they became ill, especially if they also have mental disorders. At home, they may have triggers, familiar bars or pubs, drinking buddies, and other social pressures that could all lead to a relapse.

An inpatient clinic will get them far away from all of that and place them in a safe, structured environment that’s totally dedicated to their recovery.

At a rehab centre, your loved one will have 24/7 medical care, supervision, support, and healing from medical professionals. They’ll also have access to support groups, counsellors, and medications that they wouldn’t have readily available at home or online.

We recommend inpatient in the following cases:

  • They’re suffering severe physical consequences due to alcohol’s effects
  • They’ve tried multiple times to “get clean” but can’t
  • Their friends or colleagues are encouraging their alcohol abuse
  • They’ve tried outpatient before, and it hasn’t helped

Ongoing Care and Aftercare

Ongoing care includes follow-up therapy, check-ins, and support groups to maintain sobriety after your loved one’s initial stint with their treatment provider. It’s for anyone who’s completed a programme and wants to stay on track long-term. It normally includes sober living homes or regular meetings with a sponsor. 

Ongoing support has proven to improve recovery outcomes and general well-being. Addiction is a lifelong disease. Join a support group and remain vigilant.

Ongoing Care

How the Cabin Can Help Your Loved One Get Sober and Stay Sober

If there’s an alcoholic in your life and you want to get them help, we understand how difficult your situation is.

If they’re struggling, the best thing you can do is send them to a tranquil, peaceful place where they’ll be taken care of by addiction specialists and holistic counsellors who treat the addict suffering from the disease…not just the disease itself.

The Cabin Chiang Mai Villa

We are Asia’s longest-running and most respected rehabilitation clinic. And we offer a level of holistic care beyond that of any Western clinic at a fraction of the price. 

If you’re in the USA, Australia, Canada, or the UK, you may be worried that it’s too far or you can’t afford it, but that’s simply not true. Even with flights, you may still pay HALF or even less compared to clinics in the Western world. And there are direct flights now from all of the countries we just mentioned.

Here, your loved one will heal in the mountains of Thailand, practice yoga, learn Muay Thai, and spend their free time exploring peaceful temples and beautiful mountains. 

Get in contact with us today for your free evaluation. There’s no obligation, and we will respond within 24 hours.

About the Author

Lee Daniel Hawker-Lecesne

Lee Daniel Hawker-Lecesne

Clinical Programme Director at The Cabin Lee graduated from Anglia Ruskin University in the UK with a degree in Behavioural Science and a postgraduate clinical focus on addictions from the University of Bath. Lee is a focused and ambitious individual who has in-depth training and experience in a broad range of clinical psychological interventions in the treatment of addiction, dual diagnosis, and complex trauma.

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