How to Deal With an Alcoholic Spouse

This guide to living with an alcoholic spouse was written to help partners of alcohol-addicted spouses:

• Learn more about their partner’s disease
• Learn how to cope with their addiction
• Take control of the situation and get their partner help
• Learn what they can do to help their partner

Our addiction and relationship specialists will also provide practical tips, guidance on key issues such as when to leave your spouse, and some treatment methods for addiction that may help restore your partner’s sanity.

Being married to an alcoholic is not easy. You’re most likely feeling anxious about the future, stressed, and even fearful for your spouse’s or children’s safety.

Read on to learn how you can take back control of the situation and get help for yourself and the addict in your life.

What is it Like to Live With an Alcoholic Spouse?

Living with someone who struggles with alcohol use disorder (AUD) can be exhausting, stressful, and even dangerous. Many spouses experience intense worry, fear, or even guilt over their spouse’s problem.

Common side effects of living with an alcoholic include stress, anxiety, depression, financial problems, and emotional instability due to their frequent mood swings.

You may find yourself worrying about your husband or wife’s safety, your family’s finances, or the emotional and physical health of your children.

These thoughts are painful, but you’re not alone in them, and feeling this way doesn’t make you weak. It simply means you’ve been carrying more than anyone should have to.

And the science is clear on this subject: partners living with alcoholic spouses can suffer just as much, if not more, than the addict themselves.

According to one study entitled ”The impact of partner alcohol problems on women’s physical and mental health” by Dawson, Deborah A., et. al., published in the Journal of Studies on Alcohol and Drugs (2006), “women whose partners had alcohol problems were more likely to experience victimization, injury, mood disorders, anxiety disorders, and being in fair or poor health than women whose partners did not have alcohol problems.“

This statement applies to both genders, as proven by another scientific work, “Relationships on the Rocks: A Meta-Analysis of Romantic Partner Effects on Alcohol Use in Couples” by Smith, Martin M., et. al., from American Psychological Association (2020), stating that “spouses of individuals with alcohol use disorders (AUDs), for example, report lower marital satisfaction and elevated depression, anxiety, and psychological distress compared with spouses of individuals without AUDs.” .

Remember, while you can’t change your partner’s choices, you can take steps to care for yourself, bringing more calm, more clarity, and a sense of safety back into your life.

Here are some gentle ways to begin supporting yourself:

• Protect your safety: If you ever feel threatened or unsafe, step away and seek shelter.
  
• Release the need to fix them: Loving someone doesn’t mean taking on the responsibility for their addiction. That weight isn’t yours to carry.
  
• Set clear, compassionate boundaries: Boundaries are not punishments. They’re an act of self-respect and emotional care.
  
• Reach out for support: Whether it’s a therapist, Al-Anon group, or someone you trust, connecting with others can ease the isolation.
  
• Care for your basic needs: Even simple things like sleep, a warm meal, or fresh air can help you reconnect with your own needs.
  
• Recognise the difference between helping and enabling: Sometimes, letting go is the kindest thing you can do for both of you.
  
• Speak gently to yourself: This situation is difficult, and there’s no perfect way to respond. What matters is showing up for yourself now.

How Alcohol Addiction Can Damage a Marriage

When alcohol becomes part of your partner’s daily life, your marriage can start to feel unstable, painful, and overwhelming. What may have once been a place of comfort to you now feels filled with arguments, broken trust, and emotional distance. You might wake up each day wondering how things got so far off track or what you can do to hold everything together.

And there’s the ever-present threat of violence as well.

A study “Alcohol Misuse, Marital Functioning and Marital Instability: An Evidence-Based Review on Intimate Partner Violence, Marital Satisfaction and Divorce” by Kulak, Jessica A., et. al., in the Journal of Substance Abuse Treatment (2025) found that “men’s excessive alcohol use is associated with IPV against women throughout the world with few exceptions”. The study went further to say that couples living with alcohol misuse face more conflict, lower satisfaction, and higher rates of separation.

Here are a few ways alcohol addiction could be showing up in your daily married life:

• You may be thinking about divorce because the stress feels too heavy to carry.
• You might blame yourself for not fixing things or for staying too long.
• You could be facing violence, emotional or physical, during or after your partner drinks.
• Your children may be hurting too, and they could carry this pain into their own adult lives.

Please be advised that your health, your safety, and your children’s future come first. Only after that comes your partner’s healing. You’re allowed to protect yourself.

How to Help an Alcoholic Spouse

The best thing you can do for your alcoholic spouse is to help them get treatment for their substance use, and that may include setting boundaries, researching treatment options, and educating yourself on how addiction works so you can better help them.

In our experience, it’s best to set clear boundaries as soon as possible. If you believe they have a problem, then you’re most likely right already. Tell them as firmly as possible that you won’t tolerate this.

The Do’s and Don’ts 

We would like to share a few things you should do and shouldn’t do when trying to help your alcohol-addicted husband or wife.

This can be an extremely emotional and confusing time. You may have many questions that you don’t know how to answer.

This quick list can help you find your footing and make choices that protect your well-being while keeping you grounded in reality.

Should I Leave My Alcoholic Husband or Wife?

If your partner’s drinking has led to emotional or physical abuse, or if your safety, finances, or stability are falling apart, it may be time for you to step away. 

Protecting yourself and your children must be your number one priority.

That said, if it’s safe to do so, you can still try to encourage treatment or professional help for your spouse before making any final decision. 

How to Cope With an Alcoholic Spouse

You are never alone when dealing with addiction. There is always help. There are services in almost every town or city, and many of them are 100% free.

All you have to do is reach out, and someone will be there to guide you through this. Someone who has done this before and knows how to keep you safe and get your spouse help.

These services can offer you the help and guidance you need to deal with your addicted spouse:

• Al-Anon Family Groups – support for people affected by someone else’s drinking.
• SAMHSA National Helpline – 24/7 confidential help: 1-800-662-HELP (4357).
• Therapy for yourself – through a local clinic or telehealth.
• Domestic violence hotlines – like the National DV Hotline: 1-800-799-SAFE (7233) if you feel unsafe.

If you need someone to talk to, a safe place to go, or guidance on what to do next, you have options. 

Treatment Options for Alcohol Addiction

The best treatment options for your alcoholic spouse include addiction support groups like A.A, medical detox, outpatient treatment, or inpatient treatment at a clinic like ours.

The good news is that many of these options are available in every local area, and things should improve at home and in your relationship relatively quickly (unless this is a severe case).

Here are some of the most common treatment options for alcohol addiction:

Alcoholics Anonymous (AA) and Narcotics Anonymous (NA)

These are free, community-based support groups that follow the Twelve Steps. Meetings are available online and in person, and your partner doesn’t need a referral. They can just show up. Many people find comfort in hearing stories that mirror their own and discovering that others are walking a similar path.

Outpatient Treatment

Outpatient treatment for alcohol addiction typically includes regular therapy, medical check-ins, and group counselling while they continue living at home. You and your spouse can go through the recovery process on your own time, without missing work.

Inpatient Treatment

If your partner’s addiction has reached a point where it’s affecting their safety, health, or ability to function, inpatient rehab may be the best path. These programmes provide 24/7 care, a structured daily routine, and a safe space away from triggers.

You don’t have to choose or navigate these all by yourself. A trusted doctor, addiction counsellor, or treatment centre can walk you through what’s available and help you find the right fit for your partner’s situation. You’re not expected to have all the answers, just the willingness to ask for guidance.

The Cabin Can Help You Get Your Addicted Spouse Help

Get in contact with us today for your free evaluation. There’s no obligation, and we will respond within 24 hours.